I don't hold grudges. I hold memories that keep me better prepared for our next encounter

Passes Laws to prevent illegal downloading and piracy. downloads all of your private conversations and files

Hey Simba! oh fuck, wrong lion

Down Boy!! Bad Rock!!!

This is Stue, He is a ginger

Jimmy is an Atheist. He sees a friend post their beliefs on Facebook. Instead of being an asshole, he ignores it and lets them believe what they want. Good on you Jimmy

My favorite position is called the "Zombie" I just lay back and get eaten

Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.

I love rumors. I always find out amazing things about myself that I never knew.

Wingman like a Boss!

I'm wondering just how much jail time I would get for knocking the stupid out of someone!

If you had a bad day, don't take it out on me.. unless we're both naked.

Those were the best days of my life.

Lost Unicorn : If found please stop doing drugs

Warning about online buying. be careful what you buy online. scammers are everywhere. check out the seller carefully

Congrats alcohol. You win again...

At times, I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear in bubbles over our heads

You didn't save anything for retirement did you??

I didn't free the slaves to hear about your bullshit

No, you're right: let's do it the dumbest fucking way possible because it's easier for you

How to have Rodeo Sex

Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or sixty nine. just for fun or getting paid. everyone loves getting laid

I speak 4 languages. English, Profanity, Sarcasm & Real shit.

Another shit day in suck city

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain

I love everybody, Some I love to be around, Some I love to avoid, and others I'd love to punch in the face.

You are living, you occupy space, you have a mass. you matter

If you can't amaze people with your intelligence. Confuse them with your bullshit.

There's someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist

Janelle Monae's Amazing Superpower

If you think you will learn a language with google translate. have a bad time gonna you

Stupidity is ignoring the laws of gravity

I like to maintain a well-rounded Diet

A good neighbor is one that does not put a password on their wifi

I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for this

Hapiness is a warm butt

Sorry, you are out of refills for your Knowitall prescription. Looks like you're gonna have to shut up

I've decided to add "extensive experience in dealing with stupid people" to my resume. that Has got to be a marketable skill

I am sure that in alcohol are female hormones. When I drink I talk too much and don't know how to drive

Men also have feelings. For example.. They can feel Hungry!

This is how I feel. when I see that the ugliest person I know is in a relationship

Best Friends don't stop you from making stupid mistakes. They provide your alibi.

Just Promise not to tell anyone else

I'm sorry if I behaved in a way that made you think I should apologize

Finger Techniques

Facebook is like the Fridge. if you're bored you keep opening & closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good in it

If you can no longer tell what color it is. you're doing it right.

If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people - House

Greed wanting for yourself what you're better without

Truffles what she meant when she said she wanted some balls to suck on and explode in her mouth