I'd like to die like my father died. My father died fucking. My father was 57 when he died. The woman was 18. My father came and went at the same time

Breakfast lunch dinner

When you stretch and your inner porn star moan comes out by accident

Poor Man didn't even know

Sophia Vergara sounds like she has a dick in her mouth.. I hate hearing her talk. What's wrong with having a dick in my mouth?

Garfield. Has nice eyes.

Football fans does it really matter who they're rooting for?

Epic Underboob She Gets My vote

Underboob approved

If you think Batman, Robin, Superman, Ironman, even Hulk are brave, you don't know Bobby... If you think Mike Tyson, Steven Seagal, Vin Diesel, Chuck Norris have balls, you don't know Bobby... That's what I call courage!!!

If it's not a Petabye, it's not serious. Big Data, Little Penis. get on the Hadoop Bandwagon. Dick Shrinkage

A Bowling ad in my local paper... It's amazing what you can do with two fingers and a thumb

If you water an apple tree with apple juice is it forced cannibalism?

I am still thinking about this

Actually the fruit of a tree is technically a reproductive organ, since it holds the tree's seeds and all.

So, it wouldn't be cannibalism, you'd kinda be feeding them their own semen.

I've been drinking apple cum??

Sorry I just wanted to point out that since fruit hold the seeds/ovules they're technically ovaries and so you're not drinking apple cum you're drinking ovary blood.

Apple semen would be pollen from apple trees and it would just be powdery and awful

You're really passionate about apples.

Actually since fruit is fertilized eggs, you're drinking liquified apple fetus

You can tell how much a woman likes you by her feet. if they are behind her ears, she really really likes you

To my future wife.. when I die I want you 2 mix my ashes in a bowl of chili from wendy's, then eat it. just so I can tear that ass up one more time. What the fuck did I just read

You ever hear of the movie "Constipation"? Nope. That's because it hasn't come out yet.

What you drawing there? Beyonce pouring sugar on my dick

Men used to say "Why marry the cow when the milk is free"? Ladies, these das I think the real question is "Why take home the whole pig when all you want is a bit of sausage"?

No Shave November? Two can play that game

Lubricants. Ropes & Chain. Screws. Tie Downs. apparently theres a party on isle 15