Everytime I die playing Flappy Bird

Fuck these letters

Fuck these buildings

Fuck this little guy

Fuck these bushes

get your OWN DAMN BLANKET!

So I was traveling Europe and was taking an overnight train. I ha booked a sleep cabin all to myself. I spent the evening having drinks in the dining car before returning to my cabin. When i opened the door, there was a woman lying-down in the lower bunk.

I immediately said, "Excuse me. I must have the wrong cabin!" but after checking my key, the woman checking hers, it seems there had been a mistake.

She said, "I don't mind sharing a room if you don't, We were around the same age and she was attractive, so I of course didn't mind.

However, it got rather cold that night. Around 2:00 I asked if the woman was still awake, and she was, I politely asked if she would hand me an extra blanket from below.

The woman said, in a seductive voice, "I have a better idea. How about instead we pretend that we are husband and wife for the night and you come down here from your bunk...

And get your OWN DAMN BLANKET!"

Family Planning

Non-Denominational Guide to Official Worship Signals

Legendary Barney Stinson. To succeed you have to stop being ordinary and be legend - wait for it - dary

looks at the price tag. don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you

If my teacher looked like this I'd go to class every day

There's a storm coming Mr. Wayne. Alfred, She's Right!

In the barber shop. Women Vs Men

Bored on Facebook.

I hate texting people first. I feel awkward, annoying and unwanted

Captcha Troll : Don't type. Type the two words

OMG I just saw you on tv! Seriously? What channel? Animal Planet

That moment when skinny people complain that they're fat. Really?!

May new sneakers after 3 weeks. Dad's sneakers after 10 years

Just because you see a black man drivin in a nice car, does not mean it's stolen. I stole that one, but not because I'm black!

No one cared who I waas until I put on the Mask - Bane

Oh no! I have a zit! much better

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then have we found the perfect location for a Nickelback concert?

Puma Puma XXL

Teacher : Come on guys! you did this in 6th grade! Me: I don't even remember what I had for dinner last night.

Admit it, we all tried keeping a diary and failed.

Stop thinking about useless stuff brain. I'm trying to read!!

The 3 most common lies you will hear. 1. I love you 2. We will be together forever. 3. You will use algebra in real life

Gamer Logic. 1. if I'm doing better than you, you're a noob. 2. if you're doing better than me, you have no life. 3. If everyone is doing better than me, I have lag

I think that on the 21st of December 2012, all electric power companies, water suppliers, cable TV operators, satellite TVs should be shut down for at least an hour or two, just to scare the shit out of some people

Grammar the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit

How to be a Billionaire.

Getting out? Let me play your favorite song

Never go to sleep angry. Stay up late and plot your revenge

Tea or Coffee? Coffee. Wrong it's tea. The Caring Airline 2

I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to punch in the face

Dude.. I was there... Don't try to change the story.

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police

That moment when you hear your own voice on a video. Oh God! Does my voice really sound like that?!?

Banks are places that lend you money, but only if you can prove that you don't need it

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit

If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face, Seriously, just punch them in the face and go get some ice cream

I stood there all day.. nothing

Why can't Facebook be my job? I'm always on time. I never call in sick. I never complain about being there. and I work overtime

That moment when you do an awesome movement and you have no idea how you did it

YouTube making idiots famous since 2005

Guys should always text first. responds with only one word replies and expects you to hold a conversation

Respect your Parents. They did high school without Google or Wikipedia

Sometimes, I just wanna go back in time punch myself for all the stupid things I've done

Can I go to the bathroom? Right now? No, Tomorrow

Construction Fail. Close Enough

Excuse me, do you work herE? No, I just like to support the store uniform wherever I go

If you have someone in your life who laughs at the same crap you do, no matter how messed up it is. They are your soulmate.

Cat Machine Gun Rambo