I don't always get text messages but when I do, it begins with "Dear Customer"

That moment when you finish a game and just don't know what to do with your life anymore

I liked Titanic my favorite character was the iceberg

That awkward moment you go for a handshake.. and they go for a hug

Sit down, let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, I ate your hamster this morning

I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the situation.. that you created

How to keep your cats occupied. paint a lizard on the wall

I hate it when the dictionary explains a word with an even harder word

Never make the same mistake twice. there are so many new ones. Try a different one each day

I find it so weird that I've found one picture that sums up my entire school life perfectly. like seriously dude.

I saw dad with mom last night. I think he was stealing my milk

Laughing is the best medicine. but if you're laughing without any reason, you need medicine