Kids this is the story of How I met your Mother Darth Vader

Dear Life, when I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question... not a challenge

When I look at you. I kind of want to.. well slap you. Hard. Very Hard!

Don't lead, I'll wander off bored. Don't follow, I'll get you lost. Walk beside me and help me cause trouble

Back in my day, bathrooms were used for taking a shit, not for taking pictures!

I'm sorry that I got angry and said a lot of things that I meant but still should not have said

Not knowing what to text back, but not wanting the conversation to end

My neighbours listen to good music. Whether they like it or not

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can't take care of himself

You can have your friends with benefits. I have friends with batteries and a lot less drama

When people don't laugh at my jokes, I just assume they are not up to my level of comedy.

Never laugh at your wife's choices.. You are one of them