How to get laid by your wife. The Don't list
Don't wake her up when she's in REM. You will get kneed in the eggs. which is not sexy.
Don't talk about your mother within a six-to-eight hour time frame before attempting to woo your wife.
Don't ask he if she's "up for it" while scratching your ass.
Don't assume Sports Center, Pawn Stars, or WWE Raw will get her in the mood. Find yourself a shirtless Ryan Gosling.
Don't crank the thermostat in the hopes that she'll peel off her layers so you'll have easier access. Dry heat will make her sinuses swell and throat burn. These feelings only make penises appear even more repellant than usual.
Don't eat Far Fuel for lunch a home perfumed with anal odor is not sexy.
Don't ask her "So, you wanna do it when you're done washing those dishes?" unless you are mopping the floor, folding the laundry and baking a quiche simultaneously at that very moment
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