KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER
(the actual AP headline)

Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was
visiting her in-laws. and while there went to a nearby
supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people
noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up
and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the
back of her head. One customer who had been at the store
fora while became concerned and walked over to the ear.
He noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open, and she
looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and
Lisa replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head,
and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The
man called the paramedics, who broke into the car
because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to
remove her hands from her head. when they finally got
in, they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough the
back of her head... A Pillsbury biscuit canister had
exploded from the heat, making loud noise that sounded
like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of
her head. When she reached back to find out what it was,
she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She
initially passed out, but quickly recovered and Tried to
hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed
and came to her aid. Lisa is blonde.