You will meet the love of your life. Dude. Run

Tell me what qualities you look for in a guy. so i'll know who I need to pretend to be to get some ass

Do you mind if I strap your phone to my forehead so I can pretend you're looking at me when I talk?

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her

If Internet Explorer can be brave enough to ask you to set him as your default browser, please don't tell me you can't dare ask a girl out

Oh you're dating my ex? Cool, I'm eating a sandwich.. want those leftovers too?

in 7th grade I went to the see a movie with a boy and in the middle of it he was like "do you wanna kiss" and I was like "Excuse me" and he pulled a bag of hershey's kisses out of his coat. Do you realize what a good backup plan that is

Indian Wake up Call! Poor Guy

When Brain Cells Don’t Agree on How to Get the Girl

Let's meet offline to lower the odds of me being turned off by your shoddy grammar and punctuation

I heard your a player. Nice to meet you. I'm the coach

No Woman ever shot a Man... When he was getting her coffee!

Treat me like a queen and i'll treat you like a king. treat me like a game and i'll show you how it's played

I give up. how many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb, funny boy?

What my Relationships are Built on.

The awkward moment when you're that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single. True Story

You think flirting with my boyfriend is cute? wait until you see how cute it is when I punch you in your stupid looking face, bitch

It's too bad that, even at our age, we're not mature enough to meet for a drink.

Sober Sex means it's serious

Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?