This man made his daughter wear this shirt with his face on it to school for a week straight for coming home past her curfew

Remember when you use to be able to call someone 57 times, and hang up, and they never knew it was you? Good times

Hello, my name is Ava and I think I like nuts, but really I just like licking the salt off and then spitting them out into a little pile for my mom to find later

This guy threw a grim reaper costume on a drone and proceeded to chase peopel around with it. He's my new hero

Even the guy chasing her is laughing

How to make your girlfriend shit herself twice

Mild Sauce. Will you marry me? When my girlfriend of 6 years asked for some hot sauce, without thinking I handed her this.. after a few seconds she screamed yes! and started crying uncontrollably.. what the hell taco bell?

Sometimes as a zoo keeper I feel like I'm being mocked

Mentos Ice Bomb for your friends that love soda. Thanks Satan!

Attention the copy repairman came in today and installed voice activation. To make copies just place the original in the machine and say "Three Copies" there are so many voices to recognize that it needs to get to know your voice, so you may have to repeat your command several times. Make sure you speak slowly and loudly until it makes a copy!

April Fools Day... Let the games begin!

My plans for the weekend? I'm going to Walmart's parking lot and put sticky notes on the windshields that say "Sorry for the damage" and then watch the people look for it

I want to throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many morons act wasted

Cigarettes and Tampons. A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

Cigarettes and Tampons. A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause "It's sooo ooo oo oooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own.. so does she

Guys, this isn't funny.. open the door

Someone at work has been stealing my lunch from the refrigerator.. Tomorrow, I'm bringing a cat food sandwich. Bon Appetit Mother Fucker!

I like to lick little boys balls and I don't know how to sign out of my FB when I leave the Apple Store!

Get Off my son's Facebook Page! I am calling the Apple Store right now, you are in a lot of trouble!

you don't even know who I am... there are dozens of computers in here, how would the people here even know which one I am on. Don't get pissed because your dumbass offspring doesn't know how to log off Facebook. oh look at that. your son is now interested in men and his favorite activities are fondling scrotum...

You piece of shit! punk! I will drive up there and find you! the apple store can trace this kind of stuff! I am going to file a lawsuit so big it will make your head spin, now get off my son's account!!

there is no way I am staying in this store long enough for you to get here and from looking at your profile you look like a little bitch. I am not surprised that your son is such a retard. Hey! I didn't know your son's religious views were "on my knees to please"

I am on hold with the Apple Store and my wife has called the police you better Run and Hide! I will be there soon!

Yeah, that sounds cool but I think I am going to head back into the mall amongst the thousands of other shoppers. Good Luck finding me... Tell your son congrats for coming out of the closet. That takes courage. don't worry, I sent a mass message to all his friends alerting them of his new sexual preferences

Tennis Injury. note to self : land on bottom of foot, not side. You were great in Lord of the Rings, Frodo

Demi, why do you smile like that? like what?

Special Effects. you will need to. 1. ketchup 2. sand. 3. a friend