No Lunch for me. I'm on a new diet called, "I have Five Dollars till Friday"

The next time someone asks if you have a sec, tell them, "Actually, I have lots of secs". And they will forget what they wanted to ask

I'm gonna lose weight. I'm gonna exercise everyday. I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it... Is that cake?

Oh, you put $4000 rims on your 1999 Honda Civic? Sweet! that's like your Grandma getting a Boob Job

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue

Boobs are like the Sun. you can stare at them directly just for a few seconds but if you put sunglasses you can stare at them as much as you want.

I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet... I get hungry