Above the law like a boss

Who doesn't like a blonde joke?

Who doesn't like a blonde joke?

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. the bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loans, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and replays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. we checked you out and found that you are multimillionaire. what puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" the blond replies.. "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.31 and expect it to be there when I return?

Never Judge a Girl by the color of her hair

You say I'm dirty minded but then how did you understand what I meant?

Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it's because it was my idea. Your child is a leader, not a follower

When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor's trash so you don't get robbed.

A man robbed a bank for $1 so he could be arrested and sent to jail for free medical health care

Hi baby, just wanna ask how deep is your love? uhm, i can't describe by words. oh c'mon babe, just tell me. okay, if u really want to know. u know, I'm like my cellphone and you're like the sim card inside it. I'm nothing without you. omg, you're so sweet, so romantic, I love you so much. bla bla. no problem my dear, anything for you. thank God.. she didn't realize that my cellphone. Dual Sim, Bro

You call them "cuss words" I choose to call them "sentence enhancers"

Tips for men on Valentine's day : Tell your woman you already got something and make her guess. She will automatically list things she want.

Intelligence beats size

Chris For Christmas, I got you $25 worth of lottery tickets. I went ahead and scratched them off for you. you won $2. here is that $2. Merry Christmas! Nicole

Admit it, you've raised your hand to answer an obvious question so that you don't get called on later.

I'm not a nerd.. I'm just smarter than you.

Want the N.S.A to stop tracking your phone. put it on Airplane mode.

To change centimeters to meters you? take out centi. A+ right there

The best thing about being older is I did all my stupid shit before the internet

Boobs are like the Sun. you can stare at them directly just for a few seconds but if you put sunglasses you can stare at them as much as you want

Dad joined Facebook. Kid's status update : Dad on FB, wtf! Dad commented, what is wtf? Kid replied him, Welcome to Facebook!

A State Trooper had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem, A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand printed sign which read. 'Radar Trap Ahear' the officer also found the boy's friend down the road with a sign that read 'Tips' and a bucket full of money. ( and we used to sell lemonade )

Smith! Yes, Sir! I didn't see you at the camouflage practice today! Thank you, Sir!