Finally I understand why we have a dog

I was water before it got cool

How Robbing a Bank really goes nowadays...

Go to Heaven for the Climate, Hell for the Company - Mark Twain

Okay, Mr. Smith. Just stick it in between those two devices. If Women Ran the World

Love is Grand. Divorce is a hundred Grand

If we are what we eat, I'm fast. cheap, and easy.

You are living, you occupy space, you have mass, You Matter

Your father says he'll stop wearing his pants like that when you do

Today is one of those days when I was so busy doing nothing that I didn't have time for anything else

Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back.

The secret of being happy is having a good sense of humor & a dirty mind!

You know your childhood is over when you go to sleep on the couch and wake up on the couch

And thus The spork was born

Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting

Save a Cigarette! every day, thousands of cigarettes die from burns inflicted by preventable fires. help save a Cigarette today. Please respect our no smoking policy

What I imagined the Supermoon would look like. What it actually looked like

Have you eaten already?

This mom deserves an award

Difference Between Husbands and Computers

Window cleaners at children's hospital! like if this rocks!

why do you ma*turbate..men vs women

The Customer is always right? Fuck that. Sometimes the customer is just an asshole.

Let's see how you like not playing with your balls for a week

Alright, What's next??? Cosplay mania

Armin Armout Attack on Titan

Calm Down Son! The Bitch isn't worth it!

People say you can't live without love... I think oxygen is more important

Smart Boss Smart Employee Stupid Boss Stupid Employee

The police want to interview me. Strange... I didn't even apply for a job there.

Lemme Grab Dat Ass

Got a New Car. Chicks Love It.

Run Forest Run!

Saying your kids are fat because of us. Is like saying it's hooters fault your husband likes big tits

Guys are usually standing next to their dates or holding their hands, or even their hip; but then there's Will Smith.

This Police office stopped traffic in the rain to save this wet and limping little Dog. Faith in Humanity Restored...

Women : They scare us no matter what species you are

Before anorexia and implants, There was something called Sexy.

I hate when EX"s say I'm here if you need me

I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other asshole!

This card has destroyed many friendships...

90 people get swine flu and everyone wants to wear a mask. Millions of people have AIDS and HIV yet no one wants to wear a condom

When I die Will Someone please go to my funeral dressed like the Grim Reaper? Don't say anything just stand there...

Must... Save... Porn! Priorities He's got them Straight

Surprise sex is the best sex to wake up to... Unless you're in prison

A Real Woman never lets her Man leave the house Hungry or Horny

Win or Fail Tattoo

Born in the Philippines. Proud American

Starbucks Sucks

My Son Dropped His Ball and Went Looking For It